Wednesday, July 29, 2009

.Writing a new page.

I have been thoughtful latelly.
About what?

Haven't you had the feeling that you can't count on anyone ?
This feeling becomes awkward after a while

I have discovered that I can only count on a hand full of people.
I used to think I needn't this or that. But in fact I do need a lot more then I thought.
Perhaps I've been feeling a little lost because of the lack of goals. Lack of support. Lack of life...

What does life mean anyway?
I am still trying to find what it really means.

For the past 2 years I've been acting like a little sponge, absorbing random things with people.
Learning a lot.
Developing myself and my thoughts.
Growing up.
But I haven't come to any conclusions yet.

I did change.
I got back the person I used to be, back when I had nothing to fear. When I was a safe little kid. When I fought for things harder and harder.

I haven't been wrong about people as I used to.
Believing that people come into my life with a purpose. Some stay, some don't but I always learn a bit about me with those choices (if I may call them choices).
Lacking confidence and hiding that fact by smiling and being goofy?
Am I really like that?
A little clown that tried to blend in?
I don't think I am just that. Everyone is special. Everyone has something new to had to the world. I don't know what though, bet yet everyone can make a difference. Little by little.
I found people who trust me, in whom I can trust. People that are able to believe in me and my habilities.
I need a break from this society of hypocrites. I need to find the people who, once, made me feel genuine...
Before moving back to my hometown I thought it was the best place to be. In fact it is indeed because I have my granparents here. But was it worth to lose contact with my real friends? Was it worth to let go of the moments they shared...the stronger bonds they've created. I felt left out. I feel like a part of my story wasn't supposed to be written the way it has. Or was it supposed to be like this?!
I guess only time can tell.

Apart from my mom there's a person that I miss more than anything right now. If only he knew. I think of him day and night. I dream about him. I miss us when we were children and played with no each of us is in a different path. But would it be possible for our paths to cross again?
One of the people I trust, one of the few that understands me and is always there for me.
Intelligent, friendly, responsible, with goals in life, a person of strong moral and ethics, beautiful on the inside and out.
Flaws...everybody has them because we ain't perfect. We can try to reach perfection but in fact what does "perfection" mean anyway?!
How can we reach it if it is unknown to us?!

Just a couple of thoughts I've been having latelly and just tried putting them together <3


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home